I have recently realized that America is a lying bastard child of a country.  (I am a proud American; thus, I feel I have the right to call my own land a bastard child)

Definition (According to the new Merriam-Webster Dictionary) 

Advertising:  1 : to make something known

 

Think about that for a second.  “To make something known.”  Sounds pretty simple, painless, not hard to do.  Right?

 

Wrong!  I say wrong because I have been fucked in the brain for the past 24 years due to the never-ending infomercial's, commercials, billboards, bumper-stickers, radio ads, etc. (you get the idea).  As far as the ‘ease of making something known,’ I acknowledge the fact that companies spend billions of dollars annually to research test groups prior to placing an Ad.  They first develop another useless product, then find the most uneducated people on the face of the planet to ‘convince’ that this product is something that they just can’t live without.  After convincing these middle-class, no-brained crack-head yuppies that they indeed cannot survive another day without this wonderful new shit-a-ma-jig, they then ask another mindless group of retards how they can sale this new wonderful shit-a-ma-jig.  After developing this wonderful plan of convincing the Marketing leaders of the company that there is a demand for the newly invented crap, they find some drug-induced rock, movie, or sports star to endorse this new and wonderful mind-fuck of a product.

 

With that being known, now I bring you to the REAL problem at hand.  This is the thing that pisses me off beyond words.

 

I have noticed patterns in said advertisements.  The patterns point back to the government.  Our government has developed yet another way to screw the American public.  By regulating what can and cannot be on the television through the FCC, the government has taught us to:

 

1. Purchase things way beyond our financial means
2. buy ‘name brand’ merchandise that has no better quality than ‘shit brand’ items
3. believe that  if we are not in financial debt to a credit card company, then we are not part of the ‘mainstream American Culture.’
4. make millions of Americans ‘need’ cars that go too fast, use too much gas, fall apart in two years
5. eat whatever is on the current ‘in’ diet plan.  (currently this is the Atkins ‘give yourself high cholesterol and clog your arteries so you will die soon’ Diet) – this brings me to another point entirely which I hope to write more on later
6. Worship anybody that is on Television and has the balls to do something stupid.  Ex.  Madonna, the stars of JACKASS, Paris Hilton, etc
7. Last but not least…Advertising makes stupid Americans vote for whoever spends the most money on their campaign to advertise and smear their feces over the eyes of the public the most.

 

My point is simply this people...just because a commercial tells you that you are thirsty…don’t rush to the store and buy a God-damn SPRITE!  Go to your fucking kitchen and get a glass of water.

 

It is time that you realize that you don’t need to spend every fucking penny from your paycheck because Michael Jordan come out with a new sneaker and you want a pair.  Shit…wake up.  What the hell is wrong with the pair of shoes you already have on that you just bought last week?

 

So please…Please…PLEASE…stop buying into all this nonsense garbage and spending your money on shit that you don’t need.

 

And for you political pussies that hide behind your politics, please get off your ass and go to the local library (that is if you can find it…it’s the great big building downtown that has books in it.  You know….BOOKS…those things with words and pictures in them) and do some research on your political beliefs.  Stop following the advertisements and the headlines on CNN and NBC.  All CNN and NBC will do for you is give you the tip of the iceberg and convince you that they are giving you 100% of the truth and that their way of thinking is the right way.  And trust me folks, even the news shows are biased.  They pick what to air due 100% to their political backing.  You walk around talking out your ass only knowing 10% of the story because you read it on your coffee break on the ticker while you are jerking off at work because your Nike stocks just jumped one thousandth of a point.  It’s people like this that are the seriously idiotic.

 

Stop being fucking robots and research this shit before you buy into it.

 It’s people like this that have become the mindless drones of today’s American culture.

 No wonder the fucking world hates us. 

 We wave our flags in hopes of portraying some sort of patriotism when we don’t even realize that our little flags that we are holding were made in some child/sweat shop in Cambodia. 

 

I have to stop writing before I give myself an intentional aneurism.

 I may follow up on this…I don’t think I am finished.

 Reactions?  Views?

 E-mail me at:  davehorn20@madsophist.com

 

By: Dave ‘Shit-Head’ Horn

Comments? Email me