Australian television is garbage. It's packed to the brim with I.Q. depleting drama, banal and fanatical current affairs shows (today tonight) and more home renovation sites than there are children in our refugee detention centers.
If I see one more real estate auction or backyard renovation show I'm going to kill someone. The worst shows are anything that involves the host Jamie "fagpants" Jury.
How any try hard with a tan can get a tv show I'm not sure. Maybe the fact that he used to wave his poofy ass around on stage in manpower helped get him the job. He creates mind bending scenarios like how to fix a house only using your bare hands and a cheque for $100,000. How he does that is beyond me, I could never walk into a hardware shop and pay someone to fix a house.
Turn on the tv on a weekday morning and it gets even worse. All you get is 3 channels of infomercial's and one channel of some so called "adults" prancing around pretending to be horses which is somehow entertaining to children.
Just when you think you've spotted something that doesn't advocate finger painting or advertising, you find Bert Newtown and of course Kerri Anne. They interview a couple of out of work actors who entertain you by talking about their dismal careers then they feature singers that nobody has ever heard of. In Bert Newton's case it's his tarted up bag of a wife. Sure that would be great if only the Newton family were watching, but it's not... and people don't give a rats about your obnoxious wife. Half of these mid day shows end up to be infomercials anyway selling crappy products to bored housewife's with shopping addictions equaling the number of credit cards their stupid husbands gave them access to.
As for the drama... well it's comparable to sticking bamboo under your fingernails. Anything involving a hospital or a police station is always a hit. What the obsession is with these two institutions is I can't really decipher. Perhaps people are attracted to dumb people getting off with each other to a background of people dying. Two things Australia can't do is make movies and tv drama that doesn't make you want to blow up your tv.
Our tv seems to have fads, and when a fad comes on the scene we're inundated with a version of the same thing on every network. You can't watch tv any night of the week from 6pm till midnight without seeing one of these:
* a renovation show, house and or garden
* a stupid drama about police, a hospital or some sharehouse full of 35 year olds pretending to be 25
* Some "so called" Current affairs show that tells us how to save $20 a year buy buying cheap brand groceries
Then there are shows where people just get off together, like that airline show where the hostesses are all whores. DOn't get me wrong, it's entertaining viewing but they always have to have a gay man in the thick of things. It's become hip to have at least one gay guy in a tv show but I don't really want to watch him pack his fudge while there are hot blonde nymphomaniacs around.
The rest of the shows are either:
Women's sports so as to appease all the annoying feminists who claim men get all the tv coverage in sports. Which is true, because even women find netball boring. It;s ratings are up there with Hughie's Cooking Adventures.
Or they are shows imported from overseas, mostly america. That makes up about 90% of anything on our tv that gets ratings. If it's not directly an american show it's an australian ripoff of an american idea. Where's the innovation guys? Can't Australian producers create something to break the mould? Anything with a sniff of individuality will be a ratings success as people are bored to death of the same cliched dogshit. An to make it worse, neighbours is STILL ON TV!
I hope this discourse aids to rid us of the horse shit that dominates our tv viewing, though I won't hold my breath.
In the mean time ... as a famous poet once said: "Screw you Australian Tv."
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