I was scanning headlines recently on a typically dog shit quality online news site. The site was Australian and boasted the headline:

"Unfamiliar Role for Cathy Freeman."

I immediately started to think of unfamiliar roles for Freeman, and came up with the Following:

Cathy Eating with a Knife and Fork

Cathy Making Intelligent Conversation

Cathy saying anything interesting

Cathy not talking about herself

I was of the opinion that these were all very unfamiliar roles for Cathy Freeman.

The site was actually talking about her commentating the Athens Olympics. It's the typical crap where the networks think that listening to someone good at an event actually makes for good commentary. I wonder what Cathy could say as she watched her ex rivals run by.

"Oh they're off!" -For the visually impaired

"They're really running fast now" - For people who don't get the idea of competition

"That was good" - Probably the best way she knows how to complement a performance
Then, when the running is over.. what the shit does she know about Discus? or Pole Vaulting?

In short, Cathy Freeman is a moron. Every time she opens her giant mouth that spreads wider than a las Vegas showgirls legs, everyone listening actually gets dumber. (Dumber is her word not mine)

I once knew a chick who had a parrot that copied what she said. If Cathy had a parrot it wouldn't say a thing as I'm sure it would be too embarrassed to copy the runny shit that comes for her mouth.

If Cathy was a council worker, she'd be one of the guys that holds the slow sign and gesticulates madly at you to try get you to drive slower... but nobody gives a shit and continues on as they know he has the authority of a slug stuck in a box of Snail Killer pellets.

If she was a pen, she'd be one of those disposable shitty felt tip pens that claims it can write on any slippery surface, and lies.

If she was a tank engine.... she'd be Percy, the dumb one.

I managed to track down a picture of her from her Childhood, and I swear to god this unaltered picture makes her look exactly like Buckwheat...only dumber.

I'm sure Cathy is as nice as an electric fence in the rain, but why the television insists on letting people like her speak I'll never know. Sometimes they regret it too, like when she said after she won her medal "I'd like to thank my brother who is probably drunk in a pub somewhere." Apparently you can't get a copy of that little speech anywhere.

I especially love the fact that she has written a biography, and that she retired because she lost her passion.. not because she is now shit and runs as fast as a nymphomaniac does from a nudist colony.

I also love how every second picture is of her with her mouth open like she is disabled, that giant chasm of nothingness gives me nightmares... you could fit rosannes ass in that thing.

If I was aboriginal I'd be upset that I was represented by the likes of Anthony Mundine and Cathy Freeman, who's offspring would probably be intellectually on par with a lobotomized albino dwarf wilder beast.

Cathy Freeman is the worst thing to ever fester on my television screen. I have a pair of industrial ear muffs sitting on my television just incase she comes on and sais something.

Stupidity is my kryptonite.

Comments? Email me