Children these days seem to grow up in a fairytale fantasy world.
Their protective bubble strengthened by the facts that their parents love them, everyone is happy and that santa claus is real. A lot of it comes from oral tradition, but a great deal of their knowledge of the outside world comes from story books. Have you noticed that these books are all happy and joyous? If there is an evil character they are always murdered in the end. They deserve it though right?

This teaches children that the world is black and white, good and bad... and the bad deserve to die. As Gandalf the grey once said "Even the very wise cannot see all ends."

Hanson also said "Mmmbop" which is equally insightful.

The point is that children are sheltered from the world by stories, only to realise that the world sucks. No wonder children snap in their teens as they begin to learn their lollypop land tastes like shit. They also learn to make judgments on people without considering all the facts. For instance: The gingerbread lady is evil and deserved to be burned in an oven. What sort of faith does this story put in rehabilitation within the justice system?

What do I propose? A new generation of children's books where the reality of our world is not withheld. This can surely only serve to protect them in life. Why do you think kids jump into cars with men for lollies? It's because their are no stories about men who kidnap boys and touch their pre teen genitals.

People often say that I would make an excellent children's author, what with my ethics, morals and obvious tact. So here's a little story to read your kids...

Once upon a time there was a young boy. He had cancer and was going to die in a few years, but that often happens to people. He was adopted because his mommy had sex with his daddy for money and they didn't love him at all when he was born. So he was sent to live with a new family. They didn't like him because he had red hair so they used to beat him and put out cigarettes out on his skin.

This young boy went to school in a place where everyone else had brown hair. This meant that he was special according to his teacher, but everyone else said it made him a carrot head... and people who are different are never liked... so this boy had his lunch money stolen and was beaten up.

The boy lived in a city where people killed each other because half of them believed in god and santa, and the rest didn't. There were lots of dead people everywhere. This boy had no friends and felt very alone and his family made him work for his food. His father made him take off all his clothes while he photographed him, he was paid one meal per 10 photographs.

The boy grew up to work as a cleaner at a school where all the popular people go who's family loves them and gives them all the money they want. He found a dog who he took home to be his best friend. He named the dog Brian. The dog was run over one morning by a car. The man was kicked out of his house because the owner didn't like him.

The man lived for two more years and he spent the whole time cleaning. Then he died of his cancer. The end.

That story has it all: Cancer, adoption, love, hate, greed, envy, prostitution, racism and pornography. That's what the world is really like, why feed your children shit about the clouds being made of fairy floss and the moon tastes like a cookie. All you're doing is setting them up for failure... if they read more stories like this then at least if their life sucks then they expected it. If they do manage to live a life without pedophilia, cancer and racism then they'll feel like the luckiest person alive.

Deep down somewhere you agree with me, just like deep down somewhere Elton John is Heterosexual.

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