Hi, How are you?
That's good to hear.

Ok, now you have a brief background on lying. In case you are lost, I just lied to you. Remember when I said "That's good to hear" ?
Yeah, that was a lie. Lies like that are essential in everyday life. There are other lies, like that lie. I am sure you realise this.

What most people don't know is that speaking completely in lies like that one, may allow you to lead a different life. Sick of being a student, studying art at university, flipping burgers or delivering pizza?

HAH! no problem, I have the solution for YOU.
Let's just take an everyday event, well everyday event for those that actually go outside.

Example A:
You meet a nice girl, she is A grade ass, you are an unemployed bum, your only income comes from the government and the occasional pick pocketing you perform.
Girl: So what do you do?
You: I am a doctor at the royal hospital
Girl: Really? WOW! you must make lots of money
*drool now running from the girl's mouth, you also notice small dollar signs imposed onto her pupils*
You: Yeah, I don't like to bring my lambo out too much though, I hate it getting scratches.
Girl: Uh?? Lambourghini?!!!
You: Yeah, only just traded last years model for the new model. It's a nice car but I can't take it anywhere.
*The girl now wants to feel the riches of your manhood and leads you in to the toilets*

Example B:
You are in an interview to work as a <insert something you are far from qualified for>
Interviewer: So, have you had experience in this job?
You: Yes sir! I was the team leader.
Interviewer: Good, when can you start?
You: I already have.
*You both chuckle in such a way that you realise you have complete control of this moron*

Ok, this is going absolutely nowhere but, I am bored and I am wasting your time. Can there be any better pass time? The answer is no, by the way.

Example C:
A normal conversation. Lies included.
Friend: Hi, how are you?
You: Yeah, I am great, busy but great, how are you? (hah, like I care)
Friend: Oh, well not so good, but you don't want to hear that, do you?!
*This is where being a liar fucks you up BIG TIME!*
You: Uhh, yeah well actually I have to be somewhere, now and uhhh
Friend: Gee, great friend you are, you don't even care do you?
You: Of course I do!
*You nearly choke yourself from the laughter within*
Friend: So are you still on welfare?
You: Welfare? I was never on welfare!
Friend: Ah dude, I was there when you filled the form?!
You: What?! No!! You have lost your mind! Are you depressed or something?
Friend: Well, yeah. What does that have to do with it though?
You: Well, clearly your depression is clouding your thoughts and memories.
Friend: Oh ok, what are you a psychiatrist now?
You: Yeah, I didn't study all this time for nothing
Friend: Uh?! Study?!! What are you talking about?
You: Look you have to see someone, I can't handle your deceitful fantasies anymore.
Friend: Have you been taking your medication.
You: Of course I have, wait... NO! I don't take medication, what are you talking about?!
Friend: Uh...
You: Ok, if you can't be honest with me I don't want you as a friend anymore, I have lots of other friends to be with
*Honestly, this is your only friend, and they are only your friend because you owe them money*
*They are keeping in touch in order to hopefully get the money back*
Friend: No no, it's ok. I will sort myself out in order to suit your needs.
*You sense sarcasm at first but then realise you're not even sure if you are being sarcastic anymore or just lying*

Fast forward 6 months:
You are broke.
You have no friends.
You have no job.
But you are world class writer like me who makes millions of dollars each year, get's countless amounts of sexy women and.....
You are completely full of shit.

Thank you for reading, I would apologise for wasting so much of your time but that would be dishonest.
I am quite proud of myself for being able to get you to read this far into it... What were you thinking??
Good on ya, bye!

(By MOZZA)

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