I've always considered this site a public service for people not intelligent enough to form their own biased, unintelligent
and poorly rationalized opinions. It's with that in mind that I present the following. I stumbled upon a gay man online
and forced him to be an ambassador of his kind to the tune of 10 questions.

Whilst I was drinking at the time, I intended the 10 questions to be of a probing nature. Questions that would
satiate the average straight mans thirst for knowledge he'd probably care not seek for himself.

Of course we live in an age where homosexuality is as common as bad comb-over's on taxi drivers. However, some people either don't get out or are from Tamworth. (The country)

Since you now know to expect a chat transcript between me and a gay guy, you can chose to read on or live forever ignorant of the fruits of my research.

What follows is the transcript between "Daniel" and I.

Me: so, your picture, that's either you or you're gay.. which is it?
Gay Daniel: couldn't it be both? :)
Me: it could
Gay Daniel: That's not me though
Gay Daniel: So yes, I'm gay
Me: ok, then as a representative of the gay community, you must answer questions
Gay Daniel: (laughs) I'm an Ambassador for the Homosexuals now?
Me: course, so are you ready for the questions?
(small portion removed featuring me convincing him it’s a good idea)
 
Me: Question 1 . I have heard that there are two types of gays, those who indulge in anal sex, and those that abstain... and get shit done with oral and such. Can you confirm or deny
Gay Daniel: Hmmm, yeah I know of both types, there could be more too. I don't know what every gays personal habits are
Me: but you do know of gays that abstain from anal
Gay Daniel: I'm intrigued why you want to ask me these questions
Me: you have an insight into a foreign world... a world the average hetro male has no fucking idea about; I am interested in destroying stereotypes
Gay Daniel: Personally I don't ask my friends details of their sex lives but I know of people who abstain. Abstaining makes it sound like it is something that they all desire but have decided not to go for. 

Me: Question 2. Do you think being gay means there is something wrong with you, i.e a problem with your brain, or do you see it as a random natural thing?
Gay Daniel: It could be said to be a natural thing, which I believe. I'm sure others including gay people might see it as a chemical imbalance at gestation. It might be a mutation like red hair or blue eyes
Me: But you don't believe it to be so?
Gay Daniel: Everything is a chemical imbalance at the end of the day, I look at things scientifically and have yet to see any conclusive evidence to explain homosexuality as being natural or unnatural

Me: Question 3.  A lot of psychologist argue environment v genetics i.e.; do you think a boy growing up without a father is more likely to be gay?
Gay Daniel:  Nope. I don't think it is a strong male figure in ones life. A lack of men might make the kid think he has to assume that role
Me: I see
Gay Daniel: So you could get super-macho kids adhering to male stereotypes

Me: Ok Question 4. How offended are you by words that homophobes use to describe gays like : poofter, faggot, wind jammer, donut splitter, fudge packer
Gay Daniel:  Wind jammer is a new one
Me: You can keep that
Gay Daniel:  Not too offended really, it's the way it is said is more offensive
Me: but, my question see, I have a gay friend, who calls me a faggot, and I scratch my head
Gay Daniel: I am more offended by the use of the word gay to negate things
Me:  how so?
Gay Daniel: "dude, that's so gay" "god that's such a gay computer" "what a gay car"
Me: ah I see
Gay Daniel generally when used in such phrases the word is meant to mean wrong or broken or damaged
Me: Yes, I understand
Gay Daniel: since the word gay is a non-offensive term and is a normalised word I feel it is taking one of the only neutral words and wrecking it. Lots of other gay people don't seem as annoyed as me though

Me: Ok. Question 5. Say you have a hetero friend who doesn't know you're gay, and you have sleep overs and shit, if you wanted to jump them, would you talk to them first, or just try it on
Gay Daniel:  Wouldn't jump them that isn't right. I wouldn't jump a gay friend either. You'd know if someone is attracted to you surely and if they are work from there

Me: Ok, Question 6.  Do you think a bad relationship with a woman can turn a man gay?
Gay Daniel: lol, no. I guess the whole gay thing and people being closeted is a bit like the idea about entropy. The universe moves to entropy a gay man will be gay. But it takes longer for some to come out and such like the closeted guys with girlfriends and even wives.

Me: Question 7. do gay guys have "gaydar" or at least can they spot a gay man better than a straight one.... and then... how do you spot a gay man?
Gay Daniel: oooh complicated one Yes. I think some men have gaydar see, straight guys and girls have it easy the opposite sex are easy to spot right?
Me: of course
Gay Daniel: so, how would a guy notice another guy is gay? you have to watch and observe more
 Me: Vocal pitch, clothing, mannerisms?
Gay Daniel: aye yes, there's that. Spot the subtleties unless they;re camp. But would you think the pitch, clothing and mannerisms are assumed/put on to allow others to spot them easier?
Me: no idea
Gay Daniel: cos it is as we said, hard to spot someone who is into same sex people
Me:  so people put it on, or exaggerate it?
Gay Daniel: I think some people do. So you have the camp guys i.e. the non subtle ones.   I think some of it is natural but a good deal is put on to get attention cos it is so hard to meet someone who is also gay. You can spot a girl in a crowd, how do you spot a gay guy?
Me: I see
Gay Daniel:  But then there's the gaydar which is watching people/observing subtle things like the way they walk and whether the way they walk is the opposite to camp and is walking like they were straight the way they move their heads and shoulders too and of course they way they look at people or moreso the way they don't look at people in case while looking they give away that they're gay.
Me: I had this thing where I had gaydar, this gay guy on the opposite side of an escalator saw me, I was looking at him in a research kind of way... he looked at me like he wanted to rape me, what should I have done there?
Gay Daniel: run, quite fast. Look away like you are totally not interested or bored?
Me: don't ask me the question, you're the gay. It wasn't a rape look but it was certainly an anal penetration questioning look
Gay Daniel: *snigger* or was it a "why the fuck is that guy staring at me like that?" look?
ME:  heh well yes, maybe I was confused.. but he was looking at me.. almost sexually.. which is hard to deal with for a hetero
Gay Daniel: would you not feel the same as if a girl was checking you out? Complimented?
Me: probably yes, so the conclusion is, the gay guy thought I was admiring him?
Gay Daniel:  I wasn't there so I dunno but maybe

Me: oh well Question 8. What’s the hardest thing about being gay?
Gay Daniel: It’s kind of  like asking "what's the hardest thing about being straight" is it not?
Me: no, because you're a minority that is pissed on by the general populous
Gay Daniel: gay people are a minority yes, pissed on by the general populace, nah not hugely. Only certain sections have issues with gays
Me: still, surely you can answer the question: like - telling parents, friends... finding a mate et
Gay Daniel: I dunno, maybe people need to get over the sex thing and concentrate on the love thing. You have a point Yes, I suppose the fact is in society you need to "come out" and explain yourself whereas that doesn't happen when you're straight
Me: is that the worst thing?
Gay Daniel: you don't have 15 year old kids having sleepless nights worrying how to tell their parents "Mom, Dad, I'm gay"
 Me: I see. Is that how it happened with you?
Gay Daniel: I think that'll get too personal if it is to go on a website but yes I did worry about telling my folks. Couldn't give a fuck about anyone else

Me: Question 9.  I was at a football game the other day, the details are unimportant, but a guy yelled out "it’s alright, its ok, we know (certain player) is gay" obviously this was using gay as a negative, would you stand up and confront this guy?

Gay Daniel: Nah, I don't think that time and location is the best time for educating someone, plus in the heat of a moment people say silly things
Me: in what circumstances would you do it
Gay Daniel:  If a friend said it I'd explain to him why I think it's offensive to me. I wouldn't ask him to stop. I'd just give my view on it
Me: we mentioned wind jammer before, can you laugh at some of the names to describe gays? 
Gay Daniel: I laugh at the amount of energy put into creating just imaginative terms, again it goes back to the intent of the way it is said. Would you not think it a bit obsessive that people need to create so many euphemisms? Though there are about 100 times more for masturbation I suppose
Me: Sure, but people love euphemisms. Ok, well say I called you an ass master... just generally in conversation?
Gay Daniel:  I'm laughing right now, sounds like a fucked up exercise machine. Actually even if someone was trying to be malicious with the term "ass master" I don't think I could take offense, it's too funny
Me: I'm glad, because even though I am ok with gays, I still find things like that funny, just because of the creativity

Me: Question 10. On tv gay guys seems to know how to make a man look/act to attract a woman... do you believe women and gays have the same tastes in men?
 Gay Daniel: oh you mean the queer eye guys?
Me: as an example, yes
Gay Daniel: don't they just clean guys up and make them stop acting like insincere jerks?
Me: a little, but the question is do you have the same taste
Gay Daniel: nah, taste is different from person to person and it even differs over time with the same person. There are ways to make someone more attractive which can be recognized by all but nah gay men have wildly varying tastes as do straight men and straight women.
(random thanks for playing chatter)
Me: I must sleep a while, then perhaps tomorrow.. destroy homosexual stereotypes using your gallant testament
Gay Daniel: nice talking to you too

P.S The guys name is actually Damien, but I typed it all out and couldn't be stuffed changing it.

If you believe I’ve missed an important question, email me and let me know and I’ll see if I can get Damien to answer it. Alternatively all questions and comments for Damien can be entered on the Mad Sophist forum here.

Comments? Email me