Ok, so basically for those who don't know already I am an alcoholic.
Not just someone begging for attention, just and old fashioned alco. That is not the topic here though, just making things clear.

Ok, I often am told I am funny when drunk, I am not too sure about this.
I remember everything I say but it doesn't seem funny to me.

I like to get fucked in half drunk, slap females and men on the arse. I like to get even further drunk, run upto 3kms at a time and then pretend I am sober and pinch man boob nipples.
I hopped in a taxi with 2 friends last night, the taxi driver says "what have you been doing tonight?"

I like a good chat, so I tell him I just vandalised the king street hotel and assaulted a police officer. I then promised him I would not tell anyone he was harbouring a fugitive. He seemed very greatful.

I then went on to tell him how I hadn't had a gf for about a year. Now, I am not ugly by any means, but I am not pretty either. I just have a way of repelling women. I explained to the taxi driver that like a mal-nurished ethiopian I had become mal-nurished also.

Only difference is ethiopians get laid, I don't. But I get food. I am infact mal-sexual. He knew what I was saying straight away. My friends proceeded to laugh.
I also told him how I thought I was gay, now I have never had homosexual sex in the last year, but I haven't had heterosexual sex either, homo right! yeah I knew you would agree.

I purposely forgot the name of my female friend sitting in the back of the taxi, "her?? don't I have a name now?"
I say "WHATEVAAA!" and then proceed with my story. I make small comments in relation to what my friends and the taxi driver are talking about, eg my male friend says "just drive up the top of this hill", I say "up the bottom, up it" the taxi driver says "up the bottom", my female friend also says "up the bottom".

Now, I don't have moronic or ditsy friends by any means, that is my job in our group. It does appear though, that my sometimes witty or mostly stupid comments, make people laugh.
Even sober passers by, as I tell them I am shannon off australian idol.

I think I made no sense at all in this article, but what I am trying to say is Alcohol abuse is not such a bad thing, I cheer people up all the time when I intoxicated.

Give ALCOHOL a chance, it needs love too.

Thank you and goodnight.

P.S probably 1 million spelling and grammatical mistakes were made in this story. Stiff shit, blame jd.
Also, the fact I rarely laugh or even smile in these situation adds to the hilarity, personally, I still don't see what's funny though.

-By Mozza

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