The following incident is 100% absolutely true, though it happened a few years ago... and until now I was unable to speak of it.
It all started one summers evening. The sun had just set and I was strolling with a date hanging from my arm. We walked to the waters edge that was opposite a small group of shops, and talked all the rubbish I guess you have to talk on a date. Needless to say it was going well. Somehow we agreed that the ice cream shop opposite the water would be a good place to visit, so we could continue on with ice creams in hand.
The next scene I was totally unprepared for, there are certain expectations you have when wandering into an ice cream shop. Much like you don't expect to see biker gangs in church, or fat people in the gym. The scene was set for a perfect date, and I thought nothing could spoil it. I WAS WRONG!
As I weaved through those annoying little plastic flaps on the door I noticed a row of computers on the back wall. It was obviously a friendly little ice creamery with free internet for customers. I saw a large dark haired man on one of the computers, as I looked over at the counter I noticed that the shop colours matched this dark haired man's shirt. He was obviously the ice cream man... given the colours and the fact he was the only person in the shop.
I had finally managed to weave through the plastic booby trap door thing and was standing to the back of the shop... only the man didn't hear us come in. He was busy surfing away so I made one step forward to attract his attention. That was until I saw what was on the screen.
The guy was staring at a page of no less than INSERTION PICTURES!
Countless thumbnails of penis's and vaginas were hitting me in the face as I froze on the spot. I guess the gasp of air I took startled the man who quickly jumped up and switched off the screen.
At the time my date didn't notice and I fumbled out our orders in a robot like automated state of shock... not stopping to consider that he was touching something that was going to go into my mouth. We left the store and even though I'm sure my date saw it, she to this day denies she knew anything about it.
It's not that I'm a prude, I've seen dicks and vaginas before... a little more of the latter mind you... but an Ice creamery is a family sanctuary, it is a place where sex doesn't exist... only laughter and chocolate and rainbows. Seeing a womans groin being punished by an inter racial
11 inch penis was like going to bed with a hottie and finding out it's a man. It's just not cricket. To this day I bear emotional scars.
So as I say, this happened some time ago and I did nothing. But now, I have regained the strength to fight back. What did I do? I found out the shop had a web site, and also... an email address.
The following is my email to the ice cream/porn store.
To whom it may concern,
I have an issue I'd like to raise with you of unparalleled importance.
Approximately 2 years ago I entered your establishment with a friend having the intention of enjoying your product which is rumored to be creamy and flavoursome. Only I got a lot more than I bargained for. What I found was an employee who I can only describe as approximately 5'10"
and 95 kgs with dark hair surfing the net on one of the 3-4 computers set up on the rear wall.
He didn't hear us enter and I moved closer to gesture that we were ready to order. Upon moving towards his screen I saw a eye full of pornography.. specifically "insertion pictures." That is, about 10 thumbnails featuring male sexual groinal organs entering the female equivalent.
I didn't raise the issue then with the employee or with your store as I have only just recovered from the shock I was not at all prepared for.
It was approximately 7pm, a time when a child may have been the unfortunate soul who had to witness the rancid scene.
What I am looking for is an explanation and an apology. I think it would also be a good idea if you were to check the "recent web pages" cache to see just exactly what your staff is viewing online when they think nobody is around.
I am happy to keep this to myself if I am furnished with an adequate response, if not... I have some friends in high places... specifically the print media. I don't want to threaten you, but I feel the very least I deserve is my apology and explanation.
Regards
Concerned Ice Cream Celibate
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I will let you know as soon as I receive a reply... so check back.
It will be a hoot to see what they have to say... especially if that guy was actually the owner which is a massive possibility. I swear on my hatred of Neighbours that this story is true.
If I get no response from the local store, it will be emailed to the franchise head... as it is a nation wide company.
This is going to be fantastic.... I can smell it.
*UPDATE!*
I recently recieved this reply from the ice creamery:
To concerned customer
Firstly may I say thank you for bringing this matter to my attention although I am unsure as to why it would take you two years to inform us of such serious concerns?(please note that the shop has not yet been open 18months) however we had already taken steps with a recent computer upgrade to ensure that exactly this scenario cannot be repeated. Thanking you for bringing your concerns to us
Best regards
Proprietor
My responce to his reply:
Dear Proprietor,
Firstly you thank me for bringing the matter to your attention then you question it ever existed?
When I said APPROXIMATELY 2 years... I intended that 18 months be included.
I'm pleased to know the computers can be upgraded, but what about the staff? Aren't they the ones who need upgrading? If a worker was caught fondeling a child would you make it your policy to remove all children so the temptation isn't there? It seems like your blaiming poor behaviour on the fact that there's nothing to stop it.
The fact that you're blaiming it on machinery begs the question as to whether you were the "employee" in question.
If not, maybe look at who you're employing?
Regards
Concerned Ice Cream Celibate
I will keep you up to date on proceedings
Comments? Email me