Monumental advancements in the field of weightloss are on the horizon:

‘Fat’ pill: is it the answer to obesity?
20 October 2003

"Australian scientists are on the verge of discovering the world’s first ‘fat’ pill,
which they’re hoping will improve our waistlines and overall well being. While the
manufacturers say it could be more than four years until it’s available, they’re calling
for volunteers to take part in an extensive trial in an effort to determine its safety and
effectiveness. ACA reports. "

Great another medical marvel that will cheat lazy fat asses into fitness. Could be more than 4 years? I can show you a way to be thin even before it comes out.

Here are the 5 easy steps... the REAL answers to obesity.

1. Get off your fat ass. No diet will work if you sit on the couch all day. It's sitting
still that's made you fat.. move your flabby thunder thighs before it's too late. Stop
watching garbage like Oprah Winfrey, she won't empower you and she's still fat anyway.

2. Stop eating! How many fat Ethiopians do you see? Go over there for a holiday and if you don't lose the weight, they'll eat you and put you out of your misery. Why not solve your problem and theirs all in one go, I bet you'd be tasty with some hot sauce.

3. Make friends. Food is not your friend. Like 88% of fatties have an emotional attachment. You love food but I have news for you. Food doesn't love you! Food hates you, after all look what it's done to you.... food made you fat so stop being friends with it. The most ridiculous thing I have ever heard is how people are so depressed that they eat. Yet the more you eat the fatter your ass is going to get.. and the more depressed you're going to get. So chances are you'll depress yourself to explosion.

4. Stop pointing the finger. All you lard burgers love to blame other people, or genetic predispositions. You don't have fat genes and even if it runs in your family, what is blaming that going to do for your 19 chins? Take responsibility for what you've done to yourself chubs.

5. Read women's magazines. Nothing will make you realize how enormous you are than looking at Calista Flockhearts ribs poking from underneath her blouse. Fair enough she's an idiot but she's got more friends than you and she's not going to die at 40. So many women go on tv saying wow look at me I lost a million pounds and I still look great. Correction, you look better but you're still a butterball. You went from elephant to hippo... you're on the track but the works not over yet. Until you're on the cover of Cosmopolitan you're hideous.

I'm not a fan of anorexics, but they're good role models for fat people. Fat people
need to wake up and smell the lean cuisine. People aren't going to do it for you, lazy bastards. And if you won't follow these steps then you must do the following:

* Stop your foul whining you piece of shit

* Stop opening plus size clothing stores that make fat people feel comfortable and give them no reason to unclog the KFC from their arteries.

* Stop going to the beach because it makes people want to vomit. Also sun bakers don't take to kindly to having the beach all shaded up by your fat ass that blocks the sun.

* Don't have children. If you've failed in the skinny stakes at least don't raise children
to be tormented failures like yourself. Nobody like a fat kid, and they're never "cute" despite what people say.

There you have it, a simple solution to a simple problem.. ENJOY!

Comments? Email me