Mark Latham is the current Australian opposition Leader, if you didn't know that already then tie a noose with your sock, hang it up and jump in it neck first. I understand my audience extends beyond Australia... but it's really no excuse anyway.
Mark Latham is the toughest, smartest, toughest politician there ever was. When I wrote the article on the best replacement for Simon Crean as the new Labor Leader (which can be read here)
I totally neglected to even realise Mark Latham existed. Sure all the other nominee's would have been twice as popular as Crean, they wouldn't hold a candle to Latham.
I guess you're now expecting me to back up my allegations ... but stuff it, let me ramble on with some more mindless Latham banter.
If Mark Latham got in a fight with Jesus Christ he would make him cry like the nancy boy he is.
Here is a pic of what it would be like:
Ok, it's time for a small portion of logic and coherence.
Here is a small snippet of why Mark Latham would beat you up. Below is a list of his most memorable quotes.
"Hand in your badge, Adolf."
- directed at former immigration minister Philip Ruddock.
Possibly the best retort imaginable. A 300 tonne mega computer could not have read Mr Ruddock any better than Mark Latham.
"Howard is an arse-licker. He went over there, kissed some bums, and got patted on the head."
- description of Prime Minister John Howard's trip to the United States.
It's what everyone was thinking but nobody was saying. Latham doesn't care, he can spot ass licking from 300 yards blindfolded.
"If he didn't steal my property he wouldn't have any injuries, so I've done the bare minimum to chase him, to tackle him, to pick up my bag and retrieve the stolen property."
- outlining how he broke the arm of a Sydney taxi driver.
This clearly details that if you don't respect the man, he will break you in half using his bare minimum kung fu skills.
"There they are, a conga line of suckholes on the conservative side of politics."
- on Coalition support for the war in Iraq.
Australia relies on the US for border protection but Latham refuses to take it up the anus from George Dubya. He has no time for sycophants, if we were invaded Latham would beat everyone up himself and leave the buttsex to Tony Blair and George Dubya.
"Bush himself is the most incompetent and dangerous president in living memory."
- on US President George W Bush.
Mark is campaigning to have the words incompetent and dangerous in the Thesaurus linked to the words George "Dubya" Bush.
"(John Howard) has forgotten how to be a good Australian, not some yes-man to a flaky and dangerous American president."
- same again.
Latham again calling Howard an arse licker.
"F**king idiot."
- Description of satirist from The Chaser program during the last federal election.
I didn't sensor that out, they did that on the site I stole the quote from. For the record he said "Fucking Idiot."
"No, I think I made a mistake."
- recanting his call for the reintroduction of corporal punishment in schools.
Latham clearly stating that Children should be put to death when they play up, which would rule.
"I'm not a white-bread politician, I'm not in that groove, I'll do things according to my own style."
- vowing to watch his language but not change his style.
He didn't vow anything, he will continue to hand peoples arses to them on a platter like only he knows how. He doesn't eat white bread either, he only eats Liberals.
"That deformed character Tony Staley."
- description of disabled former Liberal Party president.
Latham talking crap about cripples, he doesn't care if you're in a wheelchair. If you mention the words "good" and "U.S. foreign policy" in the same sentence he will rip off your arm and beat you to death with the bloody end.
There you have it. Scientific freaking facts proving that Mark Latham is the best politician ever.
I'm thinking of adopting three hundred thousand 17 year olds so I can teach them for a year about how great Mark Latham is then send them out to go and vote for him.
I am in the process of trying to get a few questions through to Mark for him to answer.
Come back soon for more updates. If he's too busy, it will only be because he is up to his neck in arses that need to be kicked.
Comments? Email me