People with mobiles are stupid. In many cases, so stupid that it pushes one to the very brink of teeth-grinding sanity. The inspiration for this rant came the other day when I was riding the subway across Hong Kong and a woman tried to answer her phone not once, not twice, but nine infuriating times. That's a 9 on the stupidity scale, each point up being doubly as stupid as the last. Standing directly adjacent to said stupid bitch, every loud 'Wei?!' (Cantonese form of greeting over the phone) was feeling progressively more like a vice tightening around my skull. Why could she not stop? Surely after the first or second Wei her feeble mind could have worked out that there was a reason why she couldn't hear anything? Her voiced dropped and raised like bile in my throught at a post-exams party, causing me discomfort on par with being massaged by someone with orange-skin peelers for hands. The genuine look of confusion on her face begged for it to be smashed in with a meat tenderizer.... you aren't connected, hang up the phone. Dear Satan, Buddha, Mr. Trump, anyone, just make her hang up... which she eventually did. Stupid.
As it is with any aspiring sophist, this got me thinking... people couldn't possibly be that stupid before they get mobies. They must be trained to become stupid by their own mobile phones! I'm not talking about the much-debated radiation issue, I'm talking about the behavioural factors.
The original and very sane purpose for having mobiles in a social sense was so that you can be contacted anywhere in an emergency. Not anymore. Now they are for receiving text messages from friends outside earshot telling you how much they like the colour of your sweater, for being phoned at rediculous hours of the night and having crappy Hoobastank music being played at full volume, for being called by parents during exams and lectures asking what time you're comming home, or even betterm if you're finished the fucking exam yet. Let's not forget about heated arguments with sexual partners, another indicator of stupidity- how loudly they shout and how much information they throw at mostly innocent, partially unsuspecting bystanders. "No, I didn't call you a slut!" being a fairly recent example, and the now-famous mystery girl on the bust going home from university who shouted into the phone at her boyfriend "You want me to do WHAT?!". They are stupid.
The grand tradition of 'stinging', a prior agreement where one person calls another and deliberately hangs up quickly for the purpose of either giving their number or as a signal (such as "When i arrive at the building, I'll sting you") has been perverted beyond all acceptability by high school students into what they refer to as 'pranking'. They do it because it's funny. Why? Beacuse they are stupid.
Phone bills can be financially crippling for many families. Who is responsible? Stupid teenage girls. If they had a choice, many would have texted away a deposit on their future house on just Big Brother and Idol given half the chance, nevermind the 'hey u wanna mt inda cty wud b gd 2 ctch up wif ya txt bck sn, luv ya ok byebye c u soon' and countless other examples in this section, the featured articles and the forum. Anyone watch the news? How come the people who always get fooled into mobile phone scams are always YOUNG TEENAGE GIRLS!? Simple- because they are stupid.
The bottom line is, in case you haven't worked it out yet (because you are stupid) is that people with mobiles are not only stupid, but are inconsiderate, antisocial and wasteful. They are slowly but surely contributing to the destruction of the fabric of society. Should we ban mobile phones? No wucken fay jose, the stupid people would just find other ways. They are just good indicators. But why do these people make it so obvious?
Because they are stupid.
by Mathems
Comments? Email me