Welcome to the first installment of what will become a series of articles dedicated to proving that fact that people are morons.
People are morons. Sadly people these days require proof of such allegations, so let me give you one.
It's something that shits me to tears every single year. People will say holy crap.. there are easter eggs in the super market already! It's only MARCH!! Everyone listening will go YEAH!!! it's so early. I will go into a dark corner and pretend I am beating the perpetrator to death. Every time it's easter or christmas.. someone pipes up... "Wow, there are reindeers at Grace brothers already". Wow, you're a freaking moron.
I repeatedly fail to see how people can be so outraged and excited at the same time at something as invigorating as bowel surgery.
What the hell do people expect? Have they not seen a calendar before? Believe it or not poindexter... sooner or later the time comes around and the easter bunny is here dry humping your leg again. What the hell is so hard to understand?
Top 5 things you should do if someone tries to pull this shit on you
5. Reply "Holy crap, you're a moron and you're only 35!
4. Beat them to death and write the address for this article on their forehead
3. Put christmas lights up on your house in april.. they will flip out and kill themselves
2. By those socks that have the days of the week on them and mix them the hell up
1. Buy them an Amity Dry cd to really piss them off in retaliation for you having to endure their stupidity
I guarantee that there will always be someone who makes this comment.. and 99% of people will agree in a retarded childlike clamor of moron-ness.
One guy said it in one of my classes and everyone tore their genitals off in fits of laughter.
Here is a portrait of what the guy looked like:
I don't know the guys name, but it is probably Norbert.
I sat up the back expressionless except for my standard issue scowl and re affirmed to the entire class that if any of them spoke to me I'd murder their family. Granted I wouldn't actually do that, but if you read my antisocial antics article then I'm sure you'll understand.
I was talking to a friend of mine who we'll call Meghan, she works in a supermarket and was quick to point out that why I am subjected to this crap maybe twice a year... she is bombarded by the thousands of moron customers who come through her checkout. What's worse is she has to smile and agree... I'd stick their head on the conveyor belt and sand it off. It's the retail guys I feel the most sorry for.
There you have but one example of how and why people are morons. It's like the guy from Something for Kate once said "I wish I could be 200,000 years younger so I could exclude myself from humankind." So for the moment, please allow me to assume I'm better than everyone else so I have the heavenly mandate which allows me to talk shit about everyone.
If you agree, I love you. I am an alien who germinated from inside a rock which landed here from outer space... (my dream). People are morons.
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