Women's self defence has taken off. All manners of crap has presented itself to oprah watching self esteem junkies worldwide. Everything from Tai Bo and Martial Aerobics to classes run by guys who could make you believe you were bruce lee until your ass was owned in the car park.

This shit has got to stop, and I say this out of altruism ... well mostly by the fact that obnoxious women tell me they'd beat me up. If there is one shortcut to getting raped it would have to be confidence. I heard a story of this lady who went into a "real" martial arts school. She said she'd done self defence (which is a watered down useless pile of horse shit that states any guy will die if you kick him in the balls and that a 40kg woman can put mike tyson on his ass with grappling and judo like throws.) The woman said to the guy "attack me." So he threw her pansy ass up against a wall, tore her shirt and pinned her so she couldn't move. I think the guy is in jail now but his message is sound.

I am versed in martial arts and I am scared to fight as nothing goes to plan. This isn't the movies, good doesn't prevail. Your opponent is not rational and choreographed. Which brings me to another point. There are a number of bullshit styles that run drills till they come out their asses. You walk up the the person and they say... "hey grab me here" and if you don't do it perfectly or from the right side they say "hey, you're not doing it right." Excuse me but is that the biggest load of crap within our comprehension? Wouldn't it be great if we lived in a world where rapists attacked you "the right way." When a guy like this:

chases you down a dark alley he's not going to attack you the right way. He's going to punch you in the teeth and do whatever the hell else he pleases. Most "self defence" educated women would probably stand their ground.. then they'd get what was coming to them. I don't mean to say all self defence classes are useless, but if you're going to swan around like you're Jackie Chan then do yourself a favour ... give yourself an uppercut and see if you can block it.

In conclusion: If you have any sense and you're a woman (subtle oxymoron) then don't park in an alley and if someone follows you, run like a virgin at a bachelor party.

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