Are you a moron with a small penis? - good then buy a girls car and make it pretty.

I'd like to share with you a revelation I've had. Look to the streets and unless you're blind leper, you'll undoubtedly see a girly car, like a 2 door hatch with a fat exhaust and shiny rims. Do you drive a car like that and don't know why this is stupid? Here's 5 quick reasons.

5. They're stupid. You've spent hundreds/thousands of dollars on trimmings that only prove you're a moron and have nothing better to do. That, and you have a small penis. Eventually you'll sell it and unless you can find a like minded retard you'll get a .00000001% return on your investment.

4. You're probably a guy driving a car that's target consumer is a 22 year old obnoxious bimbo with more matching handbags and shoes than brain cells. Your car is gutless and would be beaten off the line by a motorized scooter your grandmother drives. It doesn't deserve to have a sports trim and giant exhaust.

3. An absolute ratshit looking v8 built in 1980 that you could get tetanus just from looking at would humiliate you in a race and make you look like a complete asshole. If you have a car that is prestige or at least goes fast, sure make it pretty... whatever chokes your chicken.. you're still and idiot.. but so are lots of people. What I can't accept is people do the same thing to a limp wristed A to B mobile that is barely qualified to carry pizza's or a yeast infection.

2. You probably have personalised number plates to match, which makes you even more of a dipshit. The point is that the void in the front of your pants, similar to the void in your I.Q. cannot be cloaked by a pair of fluffy dice or a sports suspension. I saw a guy push a can of coke along the road for 100 meters just because his car was too low to go over it. You need to set some goals... before you end up working in a fish and chip shop.

1. Downthrust. I can not put this in a concise form, so here is a picture with the artistic skills of amputee burn victim.

I may be incorrect, but it has not yet happened.. so lets assume I never am. A front wheel drive car like the buckets of crap I am talking about occasionally have rear wings (spoilers.) Which I think is on par with windscreen wipers on a submarine, or a doorknocker giving me a free bible - IT'S USLESS. Infact it even aids to make things worse. A rear wing produces downforce on the back of a car, leaving the front of the car which actually drives the thing lacking in traction and grip on the road.

It's about as useful as Michael Jackson would be in a Child Day Care center.

So there you have a quick 5 reasons.

Now if you're a girl reading this, don't think you can just dismiss it because you don't have a penis. You're still a moron if you spend a million dollars on a gay car even if it is aimed at your demographic. The reason it IS aimed at you as you are the most likely to buy a ridiculous car and try to make it pretty as a way to coverup your boring life and personality.

Do us a favour and stop drawing attention to yourself and realise how ridiculous you appear to other people. Catch the bus straight to hell.

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