I saw in the news not to long ago a man who was meeting the queen was universally condemned for "holding her hand for too long." The guy was obviously stoked to be chilling with Queen Liz but people don't care, I mean her hand shall never recover from those extra 5 seconds of holding from a deranged madman who knew nothing of "Royal Etiquette."
Here's a visual interpretation of what I think of "Royal Etiquette."
That's right, dog shit!
What the hell is it anyway and more importantly, who gives a donkey's arse?
The world is a screwed up place if some old bag needs me to bow to her and call her "Your Highness" and everyone else expects it. The Queen can get bent, what has she ever done for me? Or for you?
What gives anyone the right to expect to be treated like a God and think their shit doesn't stink. I bet the Queen's shit stinks like hell. In fact the whole Royal family probably smell like Mick Jaggers underpants.
As for the people who can't live without hearing how many dumps Prince William has taken on a daily basis, kindly hurl yourself off a 37 storey building like a blind lemming. You people are hypocrites, you all went nuts at the paparazzi when Diana snuffed it and they took a million photos but the reality is that if there weren't retards like you to buy it then there wouldn't BE a paparazzi.
I took the liberty of going to the "ROYAL WEBSITE" and looking at the kind of courtesy those punks expect:
HOW DO I WRITE TO THE QUEEN OR A MEMBER OF THE ROYAL FAMILY, OR BEHAVE WHEN I MEET THEM?
Lots of people ask this question. There are no obligatory codes of behaviour -
simply courtesy.
For more formal correspondence, people write to The Queen with the formal opening 'Madam' and close the letter with the form 'I have the honour to be, Madam, Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant'. For other members of the Royal Family the formal opening is 'Sir' or 'Madam'. Other people prefer to open their letter with 'Your Majesty' or 'Your Royal Highness' and end it with 'Yours sincerely'.
What a load of shit 'I have the honour (misfortune) to be, madam (snot nose), You Majesty's humble (outspoken) and obedient (get stuffed) servant.' (you wish).
Anyone who ends a letter like a braindead sycophant deserves to be fish food. If I ever write to the queen, which I think I might... it will go something like this:
"What's up Liz,
Just a short note to say I am a staunch supporter of the Republican movement and once all the people over 50 die, your ass is on the streets. Australia doesn't want you and you shit smells just like mine, if not worse. Please tell your dumbass family to stop being so retarded and that polo sucks and nobody cares.
That's about all... oh and please send me a telegram when I turn 100 because toilet paper may be expensive then.
yours insincerely
Mad Sophist."
That's all the respect and reverence anyone deserves... royalty or otherwise.
The site goes on to talk about meeting Royal members in public:
There are also no obligatory codes of behaviour when meeting The Queen or a member of the Royal Family. Many people wish to observe the traditional forms. For men this is a neck bow (from the head only) whilst women do a small curtsy. Other people prefer simply to shake hands in the usual way. On presentation to The Queen, the correct formal address is 'Your Majesty' and subsequently 'Ma'am'. For male members of the Royal Family the same rules apply, with
the title used in the first instance being 'Your Royal Highness' and subsequently 'Sir'. For other female members of the Royal Family the first address is conventionally 'Your Royal Highness' followed by 'Ma'am' in later conversation.
Once again who honestly gives a shit? Not me.
Here's what you should do when you meet the queen. The top ten list
10. Call her "hoe" and bow from the genitals as opposed to the neck. This works for women too.
9. Instead of offering her a hand to shake, offer her a breast or testicle.
8. Don't meet the queen, say you'd rather watch funniest home videos from the comfort of an electric chair.
7. Wear a t-shirt that says "I screwed royalty!"
6. Kick her dogs and tell her that her mum was an obnoxious over the hill old bag
5. Fart in your cupped hand then throw it towards her nose
4. Go to shake her hand then at the last moment retract it and use it to brush your hair
3. Ask her questions like, do you have a vibrator... around children
2. Ask her to find my keys
1. Train your dog to hump her leg and take photos to be posted on a "beastiality porn web site."
The site also sais:
The queen signs official documents "Elizabeth R." The R stands for Regina,
which means "queen." (Regina is not one of her given names; she was baptized
Elizabeth Alexandra Mary.)
God damn, why whine on about it.. everybody knows you're the queen. This is exactly the thing I detest, the queen is just a relic of a forgotten system of governent.The sooner people realise that she's just an old bag in a big house the better. It's an outrage that she has any powers whatso ever. People living lives of luxury and indulgence are supposed to be in touch with the commoner? the outside world? You can't sit around reading newspapers and claim to have any understanding of the world queeny. Get out there, get your hands dirty... trade you crown jewels for a safari suit, or better yet sell it and solve all the worlds hunger problems... you conceited old narcissist.
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