In recent news the Pride of Denmark has married some Tasmanian woman and inspired insipid comments like:
"It was a fairytale romance with a fairytale wedding" - Some Reporter
"It was a fairytale wedding where the Bride actually married a fairy" - Me
"I want to be a princess!" - Some dumb kid
The whole experience has pushed my tolerance of stupidity to a whole new level. I promised myself that this Danish Royal wedding would not get a mention on my site unless I cut myself whilst wiping my arse with every newspaper that put Mary and Frederik on front page.
There are 3 main things that bother me about the wedding and I will now take this opportunity to address them.
1. Who gives a slither of excrement?
Some two headed tasmanian woman with corpse like enthusiasm and vitality opens her legs for a poofy little danish bastard who's ass is still probably wiped by his mother.
It's probably not the first time a dane has seen a Tasmanian woman's "wide canyons" and I'll bet it won't be the last. I am unable to fathom that there must be such a call for this event to be televised that every channel and paper has covered it. I could take a more entertaining shit than that wedding ceremony but unless it's a "royal shit".... namely Prince Frederik, then who cares? Nobody it seems.
2. The ceremony.
It must have cost a fortune to stage this reptilian gathering of snot noses. Every guy was toffed up like a prized toy soldier. The worst of it was Frederik himself.
Suited up with a row of medals across his chest.. what the hell for? Where the hell did he "earn" those medals? Bravery in a combat environment? Courage under fire? The guy would lose a fight with a wet pretzel!
Just look at him!
He would have his ass kicked by a nun and we're supposed to believe he's some valiant soldier? Oh please, if he's rambo then I am Jesus Christ. (although we do have similarities)
3. The morons in the street waving flags
In the streets of Denmark, Australian flags were flying. People were celebrating in Sydney where the royal couple first met. People were celebrating everywhere because we have our first Princess.
My message to those people is simple:
Wake up you brain dead 2 celled organisms! Who cares? We'll never see her again, she won't make our lives more bearable. She won't come back here and do my gardening, although she does remind me of a certain garden implement that starts with H and ends with OHHH!!! I will get some hate mail for that I'm sure. Oh well...get used to it. I normally contain my contempt at such things but if I get a flag waved in my face I will lodge it in the bearers esophagus.
In conclusion... everyone who waved a flag in honor of a lump of Australian Meat being shipped overseas to bend over for some Danish ponce deserves a dirt nap. I pray that I'll never have to waste the precious 10 minutes I spent thinking about it again.
I know that people agree with me, and I am sorry to those of you that had to read an article directed to morons.
I will leave you with this:
The monarchy is finished. It was finished a while ago, but they're still making the corpses dance.
-- Sue Townsend
Comments? Email me