To the great surprise of my more regular readers, I’ll cut the crap and get straight to the point- I’ll start off my tryhard Lonely Planet thingy by talking about the foreigners in China so that the travel doesn’t sound quite so intimidating if you’re ever thinking of visiting. The differences between the many western cultures of the travelers in China differ far more greatly than many would think.
For example, after lunch at a foreigner’s sports bar (i.e. Goose & Duck in Beijing), the typical Australian guy will be leaving with-
Some more pool experience
A bit less money
About 20 illegal DVD’s
A chick, any chick (unless you’re the ugliest poo-face on the earth’s surface)
A new bunch of friends, but you probably couldn’t be stuffed to phone them because you have so many including the Russian girls you met last weekend sunbaking next to a lake.
The typical American guy would be leaving with-
Some more pool experience
A block of hash that would take you a week to finish
A lot less money, partly because you bought the fucking disgusting ultra-mega-cheesy-greasy cheeseburger with bacon and cheese
The same woman you came with, because everyone else was so pissed off at her annoying twangy accent they didn’t try to touch her
About 180 illegal DVD’s that you’d never be able to smuggle back home. Jackass
A new bunch of people that say they’re your friends but actually hate you, but won’t tell you because they know you’ll ask them why
A confused brain because you still can’t figure out why everyone was looking at you funny when you were wearing your L.A Lakers singlet. Jerk-off
The typical Englishman is a lot more like the Australian, except instead of having a new bunch of friends everyone wants to kill you because you’re an arrogant wanker and couldn’t shut the hell up about winning the Rugby World Cup, even after the humbled and ever-modest Australian congratulates you and all the Americans nod their heads with a nice big ‘I don’t give two shits’ expression on their face.
There seems to be a distinct lack of New Zealanders in China, I’ve only met two so far in my four months here. My only guess is that they are all busy trying to trick tourists into thinking their backyard was one of the scenes used in the Lord of the Rings movies.
Do you really care about the Europeans? …Didn’t think so.
Australians in general are generally quite well liked by the Chinese, especially when compared to the Japanese. Possibly because we didn’t rape, pillage, torture and decimate the country during WW2. Or we don’t get arrested for organizing 300 person orgies in Beijing last year. Whatever. Actually it’s because we were the first country to start trading with them after the Tiananmen square atrocity because we are either very forgiving or we were concerned about money (60% of our foreign exports goes to Asian countries, much of it to China). You can decide for yourself.
As I so wisely advise in my Antipodean Adventurers Tribute, take full advantage of this rare privilege, we aren’t so well liked in every county.
-by Mathems
Weirdos in China Part 2 Click here
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