It’s about stealing.

Tell me what the hell a rabbit is doing with a basket full of eggs? Since Rabbits give birth to live young, I can only assume that he is scarpering over the nearest fence like a smack head with a DVD player under their arm, $50 short of their next hit. Like some sort of crazed Robin Hood creature, The Easter Bunny offloads hot merchandise to children and hops off with a basket full of car stereos.

Child Psychologists say that children don’t share their toys because of their lack of awareness for other people’s feelings. They think that if they’re happy… the world is happy. I say that Children don’t share their toys because of stories like the Easter Bunny. IF we’re going to fill our kid’s heads with ‘acid trip’ style stories of Tooth Fairies and Santa’s, there are going to be side effects. You’re going to raise a bed wetting ponce by telling your kid about the tooth fairy. Alternativrly, sooner or later they’ll realise that if stealing eggs makes a Rabbit so famous, they too can make a name for themselves by stealing, even if it is in a juvenille detention centre.

And as for that story about some guy waking up dead in a tomb with holes in his body and a big rock blocking the tomb entrance, lets leave stuff like that to Quentin Tarantino.

They say Easter is about new life or a new beginning, like the birth of a chocolate chicken from a Cadbury cocoon. I say it’s a shamelessly commercialised, meaningless catharsis of moronic-ness, ingeniously designed by the same people who brought you ‘Valentine’s Day’ and ‘Christmas’. If anything furry comes hopping my way next month, I’m going to use it as a cover for my 1 wood.

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